Without him here
by castlefan51
Summary: Set after 6/23 Kate can't cope with the loss of Castle. Warning: character deaths, and suicide. I don't own them, but boy if I did...


Without him here…

Kate lay in the bed they were to share in the Hamptons. Martha, Alexis and Lanie told her to go to their bedroom and relax. She went grudgingly but went just the same. All she thought of was the image of his car burning in the ditch, The Hamptons PD had after a preliminary investigation that this was only a bad car accident, and there was not any foul play involved. His car was hit while going into the sharp curve and then without warning the SUV that hit him made his Benz slide into the ditch.

The phone call she received from the Chief of Police telling her that Castle was involved in an accident shook her to the bone. How would she deal with his injuries from what had happened? Would the wedding be postponed? She was under the impression that he was in a minor wreck and that he would make it through with bumps and bruises. Arriving at the scene in the Rolls Royce that was to take them to the airport and whisk them away to their honeymoon destination this was not the case. He was in the driver's seat and with the flames almost extinguished she wanted to be sure that this was actually him in the Mercedes.

About twenty minutes later leaving the Hamptons morgue Lanie walked toward Kate with a long face. She knew the news before Lanie opened her mouth. "Is it true"? Lanie looked to Kate with a lone tear in her eye.

"I am so sorry Kate, but the dental records confirm that this is actually Castle".

Kate became so very quiet. She now knew the truth. Lanie tried to comfort her friend but this would not be possible as Kate climbed back into the Rolls to tell Martha and Alexis what she had just found out. Heading back to the beach house with Lanie, she told Martha and Alexis what they found out at the morgue. They were both lost in their own thoughts to actually form an actual response to the news that Kate just informed them of. This is when, after an hour Alexis and Martha had recovered and told Kate to move to her and Rick's bedroom and get some rest. This is where she is just blankly staring at the ceiling of the bedroom wondering how she was going to make it through the coming days without the love of her life. Her life was now an incomplete one without Castle by her side. She was with him for only five short years and she despised him when they first met but she had loved a lifetime after he became committed to her. She promised him that she would take care of Alexis no matter what had happened to him but now her thoughts moved to wonder if Alexis would be ok if Kate was also not by her side.

Richard Alexander Castle was laid to rest at Green River Cemetery in East Hampton. Kate, Martha and Alexis had made the decision to bury him there due to the fact that he had always seemed at peace in the Hamptons. So what was in life should be in death as well. The funeral was one of simplicity and there were no press hounding any of the mourners attending. It was a service without a mass just one that highlighted his achievements and told of his happier times in his life. This is when Kate lost it. Although her name was never mentioned in the stories of what they had done solving cases together it brought tears to her eyes.

Returning back to the city and getting Alexis and Martha settled into the loft, Kate had started gathering her things to leave. Martha noticed her movements and said "where do you think you are going young lady"? Kate really dreaded what was to come next. "Martha I am no longer Rick's fiancée when we lost him that ended my relationship with him" Alexis heard the whole conversation and said "Kate you do know that you could never be replaced right?" Kate looks lovingly at Alexis and says "I loved your dad and I will always love him and miss him" But there is no way I am going to take advantage of his good name ok? I am going to head back to my place to move on. Alexis I had always thought of you as a daughter and Martha you have filled a void after my own mother was murdered and for that I am so very grateful. I will always be in touch with you and Martha so if the need ever rises just call me.

Closing the door Kate knew that what she just told them was a lie. Both Alexis and Martha looked at each other dumbfounded. "Grams did that seem like what she said was going to be the last we will ever hear from her?" Martha agreed and now what were they to do.

Kate slid the key into the lock of her apartment door. Dropping her bag and purse on the love seat she took stock of what her life and amounted up until now. She had lost her mother at 19, she joined the NYPD as a patrol officer when she turned 21, took the detectives exam and passed it with flying colors 3 years later making her the youngest female to become a detective third grade. Kate moved up the ladder quickly testing and achieving the rank of detective first grade. But now that she had lost Rick none of this mattered anymore. He was the one who broke down the walls around her heart and she was not complete without him. She had read about couples that had been married for 50 years or more and when one spouse had passed away it was with most certainty the second spouse passed away from a broken heart. Her heart was demolished about 2 weeks ago. She thought of taking her life with her service weapon but decided that this would be way too much guilt for her father to handle the next couple of days would be needed to get her affairs in order. Sitting down at her kitchen table she wrote the following passage…

_To who should read this letter,_

_My name is Kathrine Houghton Beckett I am of sound mind and body. I am leaving this world with the forethought that I will be reunited with the only person who had loved me like no other man could have. I am leaving any and all assets to the Johanna Beckett scholarship fund to possibly give a young lawyer that chance to become just that. This will be my last will and testament. _

After her stay in the ICU for her gunshot wound 4 years ago she had kept the medications that were given to her for pain. Oxycodone was the drug that she had kept in a bottle in her medicine cabinet. There were about 45- 500 milligram pills in the bottle. More than enough to do the job she thought. Doing all she needed to do before ending her life she returned home to finish what was the her last act on this planet.

Martha and Alexis had been trying to get a hold of Kate for the last 3 days. It was a simple request, just lunch one afternoon just the three of them but every call went directly to her voice mail. Getting nowhere they called Kevin and Javier at the 12th. Kevin not really putting the pieces together telling Martha that Kate needed time off because of Castle and was not scheduled to return back for 5 more days. After hearing what Martha told them they quickly hung up and made a rushed effort to get to Kate's place in record time. Sprinting to her floor they knocked vigorously on her door. Not hearing anything on the opposite side of the door they broke it down. What they found was what shocked them the most. Kate's body had been hanging from a noose in the center of her living room clearly the chair she stood on was kicked off to the side and her death was probably instant. Kevin could not bear to look at how far his friend had fallen without Castle. Javier looked to Kevin and said we should really get her down from there. Kevin agreed and they both removed the noose from her neck.

Lanie responded to her apartment and feared the worst she had originally heard from Javier that she was in an accident. This is what Javi told her on the phone. Walking through the doorway she immediately broke down after seeing Kate on the floor. Javi and Kevin had to get the M.E. to give them an exact T.O.D. and cause even thought all three knew the cause but needed it for the official report anyway. Lanie took great care with Kate. She was given Lanie's utmost attention. After the autopsy was complete the findings were this Kate Beckett had died from a snapped neck technically the C-3 and C-4 discs had become unsupportive and the rope had crushed her airway. This was not the only thing the M.E. found after examining the contents of her stomach it was discovered that there were 40, 500 mg. tablets of Oxycodone. Lanie thought that Kate really knew how to do something right even if it was so wrong. Her official time of death was 72 hours prior to the boys finding her. Actually it was exactly one hour after Kate had left the loft for the last time.

Kathrine Beckett was laid to rest right next to her fiancée. Kevin and Jenny, Javi and Lanie, Martha, Jim and Alexis were the only people in attendance. The ceremony was a short one but everyone knew that the two people whom loved each other here on this earth were now reunited in the afterlife.


End file.
